This talk was given this afternoon in the Northpark (Young Single Adult) Ward.
Brothers and sisters, it is always a privilege to visit you here in the Northpark Ward. I am grateful to be here, and to feel of your spirit, and to see your smiling faces. You are a beautiful group.
I bring you the love and greetings of President Garvin and his Counselors. They love you and are mindful of you and your struggles and successes. And they have high hopes and expectations for each one of you. They have asked that today in each ward and branch in the stake, we speak to the topic of family home evening.
This is a humbling responsibility for me. I recognize that it would be inappropriate for me to approach this the same way I would in a family ward. I have sought for inspiration as I prepared to speak to you. I pray that the Spirit will be with us so that you and I will understand correct principles. More than that, I pray that you will be strengthened by the things that are communicated this afternoon, both by me and by the Holy Ghost.
We live in a crazy world. There is turmoil and uncertainty everywhere. Our standards are continually called into question, and temptation is on every side. You may well wonder “what is so great about living in these times?” “If we are choice spirits, why do we have to put up with this?”
Well, in addition to the evil all around you, there is also more good than there has been in the past. The gospel is on earth in its fulness, with the blessings of temples available to all the world. We have almost instant access to the words of the living prophets and apostles; and we have the Holy Ghost to guide through these troubles.
In each of our lives, there are three phases---I can’t really call them distinct phases---but there are three phases that we live in: the past, the present and the future. No one can avoid these three phases. Of course, I have more past than you do; however, you probably have more future ahead of you.
I would like to suggest a simple plan for happiness in this life as well as in the next life: remember the past, live in the present, and prepare for the future. If you will do this, it will help keep things in proper perspective, and life just might seem less overwhelming.
We are studying The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ this year in Sunday School. How I love that great book of scripture! Over the course of my life, I have spent many hours immersed in its teachings. I testify to you that it is the word of God given to us through the Prophet Joseph Smith to help us in our quest for eternal life.
The most commonly repeated commandment in The Book of Mormon is “remember.” (I hope you are remembering to study your scriptures each day.) What are we to remember?
The best known exhortation to remembrance is found in Moroni 10:3: “remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, … and ponder it in your hearts.”
Alma counseled his sons: “Remember … and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God” (Al. 37:35).
Earlier in his life, Alma asked some pointed questions of the people in Zarahemla, in his great worthiness interview in Alma, chapter 5. (And I would encourage you to read this chapter and answer his questions: you may find it very interesting!) He spoke of their trials while in captivity to the Lamanites, and then asked: “Have you sufficiently retained in remembrance the captivity of your fathers? Yea and have you sufficiently retained in remembrance his mercy and longsuffering towards them? And moreover, have ye sufficiently remembered that he has delivered their souls from hell?” (Al. 5:6).
Notice what Alma did here: he began by reminding the people of their parents’ captivity before asking the worthiness questions. Please note also that he began by asking about a negative experience but then directed their focus to the blessings that came from that negative experience.
In our lives, it should be the same: we should remember our “captivity,” but focus on our “deliverance,” which comes through the mercy and longsuffering of the Savior. It is when we focus on the captivity, on the negatives, that we become negative people, and perhaps develop traits that make us undesirable. When we focus on our deliverance, we become thankful.
Something else that strikes me in this verse is that Alma asks if we have “sufficiently” remembered. What does that mean? Sufficient is “just enough.” To me, it says that we must remember just enough to motivate ourselves to do better, to achieve more. Don’t focus on past hurts and injustices: just remember them enough to spur you action.
Remember the past, but don’t dwell on it excessively.
Whether we like it or not, we are all living in the here and now. (And if you are not, there may be a serious problem.) The present is fleeting. Our present now, will tomorrow be part of our past.
We find that we waste much of “today” by dwelling on “yesterday,” or daydreaming about “tomorrow.” Let us make use of our “todays” so that we will not look back with regrets tomorrow.
Alma spoke of the present in Chapter 34, verses 31-32: “Behold now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you.
“For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold, the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors” (Al. 34:31-32, my italics).
In these verses, Alma also mentioned the final step: to prepare for the future.
Cervantes said “To be prepared is half the victory.” Even better than that, the Lord told us in our day: “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30).
Of course, in Heavenly Father’s plan, we know that we are to use our todays to prepare for an eternal tomorrow. But sometimes that seems just a little remote.
And if we look at the whole picture, it is easy to become discouraged, because perfection sometimes seems so very far away. If we focus on what is far away, we may stumble over what is very near. But nothing worthwhile in life can be achieved in one leap; we must approach everything step by step.
For example: just east of us, we can see San Bernardino Peak, rising to an elevation of 10,300 feet. This is not an easy hike, but anyone in good condition can reach the summit without special skills. But if you expect to do it in just a few steps, you will be disappointed. It must be climbed one step at a time.
Let me use myself to illustrate how that applies to life. I have not always been what I am now. Please remember that I was once in your position: going to a singles ward and trying to progress in life. I have been a member of the Church my whole life. I began going to Primary at age 3; at 12 I went to Mutual. I was baptized at 8, and received the Aaronic Priesthood at 12. I received the Melchizedek Priesthood at age 18; in preparation for my mission at 19, I received my endowment.
Following my mission, I went on dates with many young ladies, until I met my wife. We were sealed to each other in the Jordan River Temple, and our family began. One at a time, our six children joined our family, and each one went through the same learning processes we all go through, one day at a time.
I also progressed through my schooling one day at a time; one exam at a time; one grade at a time. Eventually I graduated from high school, then went to college, with a break for my mission. I received my bachelor’s degree, then went to dental school to receive my doctoral degree. After that, I worked hard and repaid my student loans.
My gospel knowledge and testimony also grew a step at a time. This was such a gradual process, that I could not tell you of a specific time when I gained my testimony: it seems that we simply grew up together. I first read the Book of Mormon at age 10, and fell in love with the scriptures during my first year of seminary. I continue to read them and the love affair continues. My gospel scholarship continues to increase as I read and study and prepare for my speaking assignments.
I do not have all the answers in the gospel or at work; I must continue to learn. And so I continue to study the scriptures.
The reason I mention all of this, and the take-home message for you, is that you can’t expect to have and to do everything all at once. Life takes time. Perfection takes time. Everything in this life that is worthwhile takes time and effort.
As I completed each step, I was prepared or preparing for the next step.
At this point you might be wondering what all this has to do with family home evening. Let me tell you. Some of you have also grown up in the church. I hope that you enjoyed the blessings of home evening with your family. As children, you probably looked forward to it; as teens you may have simply endured it, or tried to avoid it. As young adults, you may be unsure of how it fits. That is your past: remember it.
At some point in the future, most of you will have a spouse and children. I hope that home evening will be an important part of your family life. That is your future: prepare for it.
But what of the present? Right now, you are in a period of transition between the child enjoying family night and the spouse or parent leading family night. Instead of just waiting, you can be preparing yourself for that part of your future, with faith in the Lord’s plan as you begin to act.
In your ward, as in other single adult wards, family home evening groups are organized so that you may continue to enjoy the blessings of family home evening, even if you are away from home. But some of you are not free to attend on Monday evenings. How do you deal with that? If you have LDS roommates, you might want to meet together and have your own family night. You can even have a family night by yourself.
There are some important elements to family home evening, but only this first element is absolutely essential.
Begin and end with prayer. This is important. When my wife and I renewed our temple recommends for the first time, our Stake President asked if we were holding family home evening. Because we did not hold a formal home evening all the time, we said no.
His wise instruction has stayed with us all these years. He said that it didn’t matter what we did for family night, as long as we began and ended with prayer. I now pass that counsel on to you. Whatever you choose to do, start with a prayer and end with a prayer, and ask the Lord’s blessings to be on your activity. This brings the Spirit into the activity.
Sing! Singing songs is one of the best ways to build family unity. It always disturbs me to see people who choose not to sing in meetings. It makes me think of Hymn 119, which says, “Let those refuse to sing who never knew our God.” When we sing together, here or in the home, we temporarily put aside our differences and our concerns and we are united. It doesn’t matter if you sing well or not. It does matter if you sing or not.
My wife and I feel that many of the members who cannot carry a tune either never had family night as children, or did not sing together in family night. This could be an interesting research project for someone.
In our family, we take the opportunity to sing some hymns that we do not sing frequently in church. There is a great untapped wealth in the Hymnbook. My son John likes to pick Hymn 168, because it has five flats. It makes no difference to the singers, but it’s hard to play---I think he does it to torture me.
Have some kind of a gospel message. This may be a spiritual thought, a chapter or verse of scripture, an Ensign article, or a Conference talk. Some of the old single sisters in my ward review the next Gospel Doctrine lesson together in their family night. You could also get the Family Home Evening Resource Book and cover one of the lessons there. That is a tremendous resource. You can download it from lds.org, or if you have the Gospel Library app, you can get it there.
Often family night will involve playing games or going somewhere for an activity or for service. The spiritual thought can help bring the Spirit into that activity.
Sometimes, especially at Christmas, we just sing for family night. Sometimes we just talk about things that are on our minds (but we still begin and end with prayer).
We usually end with some kind of treat after the closing prayer (which is a kneeling family prayer). Often it is just ice cream, because that is easy; sometimes it is a special treat.
The important thing is that we are together, enjoying face to face time. I have tried to discourage cell phones and other electronics during family night: we would like the family to truly be together for this brief time each week, without distractions.
What about when you are on your own? May I offer some suggestions? First, set aside your electronic gadgets and distractions. Begin with prayer, either silent or aloud. You may or may not want to sing by yourself. Have a focused gospel study session. Review next week’s lessons for Sunday School or for Relief Society or Priesthood. Or use the Topical Guide and study a specific topic. You might want to just read a chapter in the scriptures. Reading out loud will help you focus.
As you read, stop and ask yourself questions to enhance your understanding and make personal applications. A word of warning: if you ask questions out loud, you may need to reassure your roommates that you are OK.
Finally, close with prayer and have a snack as a reward for your faithfulness. Then you can get back to your studies or other important activities of the evening.
The important thing is to make a commitment and establish a pattern. These habits will strengthen your future marriages and families, and they will bless your lives now and in the future. Your commitment to this may even bless the life a sibling or parent who is struggling. If you form the habit now, it will be easier to continue it with someone than it would be to start from scratch once you are married.
My oldest daughter, who is a young single adult in Salt Lake City, told me that family home evening is one of the things she needs during the week, even if it forces her to pick and choose from other activities.
That is your present: live it.
My good brothers and sisters, will you commit to making family home evenings a priority in your lives? If you have not already done so, will you decide today to make home evening a part of your family routine after you are married? Create righteous habits, brothers and sisters.
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Now that I have discussed the how, I would also like to focus for a moment on the why.
The family is under attack in the world. Our responsibility as Latter-day Saints is to defend the family. We understand the eternal nature of the family. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ, which teaches us why families are so important.
First, we know that Heavenly Father has a plan for our eternal happiness and for our salvation. A part of that plan required that we come to earth to receive bodies and live and be trained in families to prepare us to return to Heavenly Father’s presence and to be like him. The family is an essential part of His plan, both in time and in eternity.
The family is the basic unit of the Church. In fact, it is the only unit of the Church that will endure for eternity. The Northpark Ward will not. The San Bernardino California Stake will not. But the Robert and Heidi Stevenson family will last through the eternities, through the sealing power of the priesthood, if we are faithful to our covenants. And I hope that each of you will be able to enjoy that same blessing in your families.
Second, we know that Adam and Eve fell in order to fulfill their covenant to multiply and replenish the earth. They partook of the fruit for our benefit. The fall was about families.
Because of the fall, Jesus Christ came to earth to atone for our sins. Through his great sacrifice, he became our Savior, and provided a means for us to be cleansed from our sins, and being cleansed, to be able to return to the Father’s presence.
Third, we know that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored in its fulness to the earth. This restoration includes a restoration of priesthood authority. With the priesthood on the earth, we are empowered to act in God’s name to bless his children. We have the authority and the obligation to perform all the saving ordinances of the gospel so that all of God’s children who qualify may live with him again in eternal family bonds.
These saving ordinances begin with baptism and confirmation, and culminate in the sealing of families for time and eternity.
That is what makes the difference. The world does not understand priesthood power or the sealing power. I don’t think that we fully comprehend it.
He has blessed us with temples where we can be sealed to our own families and then provide saving ordinances in behalf of our kindred dead. This will eventually link us together in one great eternal family.
“Wherever Church members live, they should strive to establish a home where the Spirit is present. All members of the Church can make efforts to ensure that their place of residence provides a place of sanctuary from the world.
“A Christ-centered home offers adults and children a place of defense against sin, refuge from the world, healing from emotional and other pain, and committed, genuine love.” (Handbook 2, 1.4.1)
When the Lord commanded us to stand in holy places, he didn’t mean we had to hide in the chapel or in the temple. Our homes or apartments or rooms should also be holy places, where the Spirit can dwell. That also means that they should be clean enough that the Spirit will want to dwell there.
We know that the family and the Church help to strengthen each other, and that Church programs exist to bless individuals and families. In fact, strengthening families is the focus of inspired Church programs such as home teaching, visiting teaching, and family home evening.
Heavenly Father is a family man. We all belong to him. We are his family, and all of the great blessings he has in store for his children will come through families. Exaltation is a family affair, and so we build temples throughout the earth, to bind families together.
President James E. Faust stated: “I wonder if having unplanned and infrequent family home evenings will be enough to fortify ourselves and our children with sufficient moral strength to meet the complexities of our day. Infrequent family scripture study may be inadequate to arm ourselves and our children with the virtue necessary to withstand the moral decay of the environment in which we live. … To combat the world’s evil influences, we need the strength that comes from family home evening.”
That is a pretty stern warning. And it applies to every one of Heavenly Father’s children.
In conference in October 2009, Elder Bednar warned us not to become hypocrites in our own homes. He encouraged us to walk the talk, to hold family home evenings and to live the principles we teach our children (or our group members, in your case).
He offered counsel that applies to all of us, whether we are parents, children, couples, roomies, or friends holding family night. “We … can become more diligent and concerned at home by bearing testimony to those we love about the things we know to be true by the witness of the Holy Ghost. … Within the walls of our own homes, we can and should bear pure testimony of the divinity and reality of the Father and the Son, of the great plan of happiness, and of the restoration” (CR Oct 2009).
He continued: “we need to bear testimony, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to live it. We need to both declare and live our testimonies.”
Many of you can testify from experience that lecturing, admonishing or exhorting does not go very far. But if we profess truth, the Holy Ghost will bear witness to what we have said, and give added power to our statements.
I have seen this recently in my own home. My son was expressing concerns that many of you share: that of finding a good job so that he can pay his student loans and move on with his life. I was prompted to testify to him that if he will work together with the Lord on this, and do what he can to show his faithfulness, then the Lord will bless him. This week he asked us to fast with him, so it is evident that it touched his heart. Now I will also be praying for the Lord to bless him so that his faith will be rewarded and strengthened.
My young brothers and sisters, have faith in God and in His eternal plan. Have faith in his timetables, and in his ways.
Remember that faith requires action. Prepare yourselves to receive his blessings. In particular, work toward receiving the greatest blessing he can give us on this earth, that of being sealed in the temple for time and eternity.
In order to do that, remember the past, but keep it in perspective: “sufficiently remember” it.
Prepare for the future: do everything within your power to qualify yourself for these great blessings.
And live in the present: keep the commandments; serve others; learn to see yourself as our Father in heaven sees you. If you will do this, you will find joy in this life and eternal happiness in the next. But as you live in the present, don’t make demands of Heavenly Father that you are not prepared to accept.
I know that he will bless you through your faithfulness. Be true to your covenants. He has told us: “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10). And “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him” (1 Co. 2:9).
Now I will not guarantee, and the Lord does not promise that all the blessings will come in this life, but he has said through his prophets that no blessing will be withheld from anyone who, through no fault of their own, has been unable to marry.
That promise notwithstanding, we should always be striving to be our best selves. (And brethren, I’m not really certain that this promise applies to you.)
As long as you are growing closer to the Lord, you are in good shape.
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The First Presidency stated in 1976:
“Family home evening is for everyone. It is for families with parents and children, for families with just one parent, and parents who have no children at home. It is for home evening groups of single adults and for those who live alone or with roommates. …
“Regular participation in family home evening will develop increased personal worth, family unity, love for our fellowmen, and trust in our Father in heaven. It is our promise that great blessings will come to all who conscientiously plan and hold weekly family home evenings.”
Aren’t those wonderful blessings?
I testify that the Lord will honor the promises made through his prophets if we will follow their counsel.
With promises like these, why would we not want to hold regular family home evenings?
God lives. He loves each of us. He hears and answers our prayers. We truly are his children, and if we are true and faithful, we will be able to live with him again in eternal family relationships. That we may do so is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
